My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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