dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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