Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
