The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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