yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
