i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
