I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
