K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
