I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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