Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
