Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
