Im at strip club and am horny
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Text me some of your sweat
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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