Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
