Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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