we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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