He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sobbing to NWA
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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