I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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