oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
