dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
