Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
wow bdsm is so cute
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
