I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
