does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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