You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
