Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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