i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Boobs speak an international language.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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