I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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