Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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