At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
