White coat. Heels.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
