I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
