whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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