This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
