I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
