It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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