Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Randomize
