That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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