I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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