i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
