His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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