So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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