fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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