"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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