Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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