I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
