i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
