Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
