After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
