My pussy is not your playground.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
