Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
