one two three fourrrrnication!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
