He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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