"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
