Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
