I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
