yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
