my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
